Some time ago a lady whose marriage just crashed came to me for advice, she wanted to talk about her marriage. So I asked her what happened that the marriage didn’t work and she said her husband was a street guy, and every effort to correct him just made him worse and it was beginning to tell on their two-year-old daughter and when she just couldn’t take it again, she walked out of the marriage.
Because she had told me earlier that she wanted to see me, I had time to pray ahead before our meeting so that I will not be speaking to her of my own understanding but words from the throne of God. So I tried to make her understand some hidden truths of marriage that most women miss and end up as their greatest undoing in marriage. In fact, it has been one tangible reason for that phrase “irreconcilable difference” that we often hear about in separation cases.
One big truth that a woman needs to know and work with in marriage is that you cannot by any means of your own, either by complaining, fighting, quarreling, depriving your husband of sex or whatever means that comes to your imagination, change your husband. This is the truth you need to live with. But your husband isn’t acting right, yes that is very true. And can your husband change? Yes, he can and that is also very true. But he will not change by your complaints or correction but by the power of God alone. You didn’t make your husband so you can’t change him. You didn’t make your husband so you cannot unmake him. That is way beyond your scope of engagement in marriage. Any attempt to change your husband is an attempt to lose your husband to the one who is not openly wanting to change him.
But like I said, I understand that your husband isn’t acting right, he needs to change and he can change and in fact, he will change if you are willing not to be the one to change him, but let God be the one to do what He alone can and will do. So your only job in changing your husband is to continually pray for him and place Him on the surgical table of God.
Now understand that praying for your husband to change will not mean that you might wake up one morning to see a totally different husband. Sometimes God might have to bring about a change in your husband through the changes He effect in your life. This was the way God dealt with my own marriage issue. So if you really want your husband to change you need to be willing to change somethings about your own self. So the change in your husband begins with a change in you. And I shouldn’t just limit this to the wives, it goes both ways. A man who is willing to change his wife but be ready for some positive changes in his own life.
When we pray, God acts. But more important to note is that when we pray God speaks. So when you have mastered the act of praying, you need to also learn and master the ability to hear from God. Sometimes God works on our behalf, sometimes He shows us what to do to get the best result. So when God is speaking to you and you are not listening, the more you pray wouldn’t mean God will do for you what you should do by yourself. He will keep speaking until you hear Him. So the earlier you hear and act accordingly the faster the answer to your prayer will manifest. This is the reason why many wives and husbands have prayed for their spouses without getting results. It is because they only pray and expect God to do something, whereas God is speaking and teaching them what to do to achieve results but they are not listening. Their focus is on their spouses not on themselves.
A very good illustration of this was that when I was trusting God to make a lasting change in my marriage, what God did was to speak to me. He told me to go and submit to my husband. It didn’t make sense then so I prayed that He should teach me the kind of submission that will yield result, and He taught me and I mastered it and my marriage is a beautiful piece that it is today.
Now I am making this post longer than I intended to, but I want to believe that we have learned something of great value. Only God who made your spouse can change him/her and this especially goes for the wives who have been called by God to be a suitable helper to their husbands and not a teacher to them. When you go beyond what God has assigned for you to do, you lose what you have. Wisdom is profitable to direct.