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The Leader You Are Shows in the Wife You Have

In one of my past blog pots, I talked about the fact that the husband was the head of the wife. We saw together that though the husband is to be submitted to by his wife which is the law of God to the wife yet that law happens to be a huge responsibility for the husband. The wife should submit to her husband as unto the Lord and the husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church.

The law to the wife is a responsibility to the husband. The first place where a man learns leadership skills is in his ability to lead and love his wife. When he is able to correct his wife and mold her into the woman he wants her to be without aggression or abuse of any kind and she effectively responds to his direction and training then he is heading towards being an effective leader.

We find in 1 Timothy 3:1-13, the Lord’s criteria for leadership in the church amongst God’s children and we find in chapter 4 that it says one who seeks the position of a bishop/overseer must be one who rules his own home well. The rulership of the home begins with the effective rulership of the wife and mother in the home. Once you have been tested in this and have done well, and extend the same to your children and done equally well, then you now stand the chance of being an overseer or a bishop. We all know that God doesn’t commit big things into the hands of an untested vessel. Even humans will have to check and evaluate the track records and achievements of a man they hope to put in the position of leadership, how much more will God need to evaluate our track records before placing us in positions of authority.

I was talking to a friend one day who is divorced but was dating a lady and he was hoping the affair would lead to marriage. He called me and I asked after the lady and he told me he had withdrawn from the relationship because he was seeing attitudinal lapses that might pose a problem between them in the future. Curiously I decided to beg him to tell me some of these important issues that made him call off the relationship. He had loads of complaints about how she couldn’t manage a home to his expectation, and then, he tried to compare her to his mother as his view of an ideal wife. So in his mind, someone who is able to do as much as his mother is home management is his own definition of a good wife.

After allowing him to finish talking, I asked him if he had tried to communicate his expectations to this woman and his response was that she should know these things without been told. In his world, these are values an ideal woman ought to have inbuilt in them. The problem is that a lot of men live in this same world possessing the same mindset as this my friend. The uncommunicated expectations that husbands demands from their wives and which the wives are ignorantly not meeting up to are major causes of issues in marriages. And the same goes for the wife to her husband.

The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5:25 that Jesus sanctified and cleansed the church with the washing of water by the word that He might present her to Himself as a glorious church. That I say again, is the pattern in which God wants the husband to love and husband their wives to perfection. There must be washing with water by the word for the wife to be cleansed and then presented to the husband by the husband as a glorious wife. Never say, assume, or insinuate that your wife should know because your mother acts like that or your friend’s wife acts like that, or in your head that is how all wives should be. The interesting truth is that you as a husband are unique in yourself. You are very different from the other man, and so your needs are different. What your wife understands as the norm may not be what you understand as a norm and so you need to teach by gentle and tender communication, loving training, and retraining until she becomes all that you desire in her as a wife. Some wives are slow learners, some pick it quick, that is your assignment as a husband. But until you have trained your wife into your own kind of ideal wife, she will not be presented to you as a glorious bride. And believe it or not, it is not her fault but yours.

If you are not patiently and lovingly ready to bring up your wife to your own expectation of an ideal wife, then you are not ready to be a husband and should not seek to be one. And if you are one already then you need to begin to engage in personal leadership training first. Demanding followership (submission) from your wife when you are not in yourself a leader is totally wrong. So I say again submission from a wife to a husband is more of a responsibility to the husband. It teaches the husband good leadership skills that tell the world he is ready to take on bigger leadership responsibilities. If you cannot lead your home well, then you cannot lead anywhere else.