What a Husband Needs to Do to Make His Wife Submit to Him

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What a Husband Needs to Do to Make His Wife Submit to Him

In the last post, we looked at the law of God for marriage that says a wife should submit to her husband as unto the Lord. And again, I will say that submission by a wife to her husband is not a sign of her weakness, it not a sign of her stupidity, it doesn’t make her less intelligent, it does not demean her self-worth or self-esteem. It simply means that as a child of God she is obeying God’s instruction for her life as a wife. It tells God how much of a serious and dedicated child she is to Him.

When a wife who does not have a relationship with God submits to her husband, it’s good, but the chances are there that the husband can trample on that submission. He can make a caricature of her effort and that in turn demeans her self-worth. But when she is a child of God – not by human standard, but by the Spirit of God testifying with her own spirit that she is a child of God then submission becomes evidence of strength because she combines obedience to the word of God with power. No man can trample on such submission. A right-thinking husband will be careful to do what is right with such obedience from his wife or he stands the risk of been chastised by God.

So, we will discuss the responsibilities that accrue to a man who earns the submission and respect of his God-given wife. First, we will note that the kind of submission that a wife gives her husband is in like manner as the kind of submission she gives to God. So, what does God do with our submission? How does God handle the submission we give to Him? Does He insult it, does He disrespect it, does He play boss with it and illtreat us for submitting to Him? This is what every husband who wishes that his wife should submit to him need to critically ponder on because God expects that you watch what He does with the submission we give to Him and replicate His actions towards your wife whom you wish to submit to you.

Just like God delights in our obedience, and it pleases Him that we trust Him unconditionally and obey His words without question, so does a man delights in the submission of his wife to him and enjoys the reverence he gets from her. But  God does not handle our submission to Him with levity, rather He cherishes it so much that the only way to have God do for us what we want Him to do is by submitting to Him. Now, is the husband who seeks submission from his wife willing to give her as much reward for her act of submission as God gives us for the same act of submission? And this is the reason why I say to the men that when you want your wife to submit to you, it’s good, but it’s not to boost your ego because what you seek actually accrues to you, huge responsibilities.

Paul in Ephesians 5:25-27 said, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy without blemish.” In this passage we can readily tell that the church isn’t perfect otherwise Christ will not need to sanctify and cleanse her with the word, He will not need to make the effort of removing spot and wrinkle or any form of blemish. But due to the imperfection of the church, Christ needed to do so much.

In the same way, the husband who wants to enjoy the submission of his wife also needs to love his wife with the magnitude of love that Christ loves the church. He needs to love her despite her imperfections taking on the responsibility of sanctifying and cleansing her with the word till she is without spot or wrinkle, till all her blemishes go away and he then presents her to himself as a glorious bride.

If you then ask me, I will say that it is the responsibility of the husband to lovingly train his wife into whom he wants her to be rather than insulting his wife and her family for not bringing up their daughter well. The wife is a reflection of the effectiveness of the husband as a leader. The husband trains his wife, not with the cane and harsh words, not with insults and derogatory words, not with physical or verbal abuse, but with words that inspire and encourage. The Bible says that sweet words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. It is the subtle words and loving corrections that effectively get the job done and with plenty of prayers and patience too. The husband will need to correct his wife no doubt, but should he abuse her doing so? That is so very wrong and ungodly.

So, what should a husband do with the submission he seeks from his wife? I will say that he treats that submission in like manner as Christ treats the submission of the church. As a husband, it is important that you need to understand that you have to work hard to earn the submission of your wife. Christ had to die a gruesome death on the cross for Him to earn the submission of the church. Though submission from a wife to her husband is a law of God to the wife, yet it is an assignment from God to the husbands. If God has likened this whole process to the relationship between Christ and the church then it is important to note that before a husband begins to claim the right of submission in his marriage, he must have made huge sacrifices to be entitled to such a right. This is huge but true. I pray the Lord grants us understanding and the brokenness we need to excel in our marriages.

Books by Derin are listed below. You can also the website book store here


“The Covenant of God” is a book that reveals to us that truly all that we need for a good life is in Christ Jesus and His promises for our lives. When God makes His covenants with mankind, He didn’t make them out of obligation and He will do what He said He will do. Another book you shouldn’t let pass you by.

“Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring” is an excellent help for effective parenting. It provides good insight in bringing up your children God’s way.

“Gleanings from the Throne of God” will help you build a strong relationship with God by understanding why God tells us to do what He tells us to do.

“God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage” is a must-have for anyone desiring a successful, peaceful, and loving marital experience. It teaches how to do marriage God’s way.

“The Sacrifice that Pleases the Lord” gives us a better understanding of the act of giving to God. Also, note that giving to God is not all about giving money. And not all giving pleases God. You will enjoy reading this.

“Stress-Less Toil” is what I like to describe as a secret code to success. We have been taught to work hard which most of us are doing. But working diligently is far more profitable than hard work. You need to read this book to understand better.

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